As I look back on my young life, one thing is painfully clear:

my life was filled with hurt and pain.

Over time, I became determined to do whatever I could to escape that pain.

Eventually, I found a solution—addiction.

It worked, at least for a while.

It numbed what I did not know how to face.

But looking back now, I can see the truth.

The addiction that promised relief slowly began to consume me.

It had consequences.

It stunted my growth.

It hindered my freedom.

It blinded my vision.

It blocked my maturity.

It tied up my entire system—emotionally, relationally, spiritually.

My life became ensnared.

I could not grow because I could not feel.

In recovery came a season of awakening.

I slowed down.

I became curious.

I began paying attention—to my thoughts, my choices, my patterns.

In that awakening, I rediscovered my childhood pain.

The pain had always been there.

Buried hurt.

Buried unworthiness.

But this time, I am choosing a different path.

This time, I will not run.

Close:

Addictions are escapes.

They are effective at helping us avoid pain, but they are powerless to resolve it.

Sooner or later, emotional freedom requires courage, presence, and honest work.

Prayer:

Father, I’m sorry for the time I wasted running and distracting myself.

I’m sorry for choosing escape over seeking.

I need Your help. I want to go deeper—

to learn more, to submit more,

to trust You with my pain.

This is my prayer. This is my request.

Amen.

Scripture:

Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23–24 (ESV)