Author: Stephen Cervantes

Husband “I don’t want to talk to my wife because sometimes it’s not safe.” Wife “When my husband doesn’t talk to me I don’t feel safe.” Husband “I think like a man. Act like a man. And, feel a lot less emotional than my wife.” Wife “I like emotions and emotional language. When I express…

A friend asked, What’s wrong with me? I am part of a marriage and a family, yet, I feel so isolated. Here are some of my immediate thoughts. Good news! That old, growing-up, difficult situation, that started you isolating, ended long ago. You are now free to start a new program. God is giving you…

There are two types of people: Connectors and Disconnects. Emotional CONNECTORS love to talk, explore ideas, share insights, discuss relationships, and express feelings. Talking makes them feel relaxed and safe. It also makes them feel known and loved. Talking and being known are very important to connectors. Emotional DISCONNECTORS enjoy privacy. Growing up, no one…

What is one of the most important questions to ask when you are starting a new relationship? Here it is! Did you come from a family that interacted and connected? Talked. Expressed. Shared. Explored. And, supported each other. Or, did you come from a family of disconnectors? Light talking. Little expressing. Avoiding. Shallow sharing. And,…

Today, my husband let me tell a story from the beginning all the way to the end. And, he did not interrupt me. We’ve been married 25 years. This is the first time it’s ever happened. Being “heard” feels so wonderful. Actually, I’m feeling a little giddy. This means there is still hope. I’ve always…

These comments were made by different men. They are all husbands. When expressed together they help understand the topic of emotional disconnection. Husband #1I know, I am the problem in our marriage. Husband #2I’ve just learned and am admitting this for the first time. I have been a shallow man my whole life. Husband #3Not…

Does God want “ME”? Or, does he want me only if I change and become someone else? I’ve heard: I’ve read and heard these things all my life. It sounds like God doesn’t want “ME”. He just wants to look down and see millions of Jesus-look-a-likes walking around. “Be Jesus or be a loser!” The…

Point #1 Trauma training says, “It’s not what happened to you that is the problem. You already survived the trauma. It’s the TAKE-AWAY from your early traumas. Point #2 As a child you didn’t understand life or mature thinking. You used simple, child thinking. “Mom and Dad are good. Others are good. I am bad.”…

I was wondering what happens in a healthy mind? Here is a collection of things you might experience. Verse Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Cor 5:17 NASB May God bless you as your mind, heart and soul are being transformed.    Amen

Every morning you wake up. Work. Serve. Share. Pray. Learn. Bless. And, Rest.Then, you go to bed. And, repeat the pattern the next day. Those are regular daily activities. But, what is the SOUL PROGRAM that drives all that activity? Your SOUL PROGRAM is the storage place of all your life experiences and beliefs. Remember,…

Albert Bandura, Psychologist is credited with developing this term, “Human Agency.” (Or, “Agency” for short.) Agency includes how you act, think and interact with life. There are four parts to the definition of agency: Pay special attention to number four. Why am I writing about Agency? Because, you have one life to live. Running a…

On your Christian walk you will have many decisions. But, there is one major emotional-spiritual decision: You will either wrap yourself in God’s love and find rest. Or, you will decide to “perform” to earn your love. If you pick a performing lifestyle, your life will have some thrills but mostly you will be exhausted…