Growing up—

Dad took care of himself.

Mom took care of herself.

No one took care of me.

There was little comfort.

I don’t really know what comfort is, and I never learned how to comfort myself.

Life was lived, but I never felt safe.

I never learned to trust.

Even today, I don’t trust anyone—

and I don’t trust myself.

Alone is one of the hardest places for me. I hate being alone in the alone place. There, I feel an urgent need to run.

So I run—searching for comfort.

I never felt protected as a child.

Two feelings still haunt me:

I am not safe with anyone.

And I cannot find comfort.

I’m not even safe with myself.

I don’t trust myself.

I do not do well when left alone.

I cannot comfort myself.

Even in the company of others, I feel lonely.Yet I do not want to be alone. I want to belong.

But I do not trust others—

and so I never fully belong.

Close:

Growth and change begin when a struggle is named. When it is owned and surrendered. Then every spiritual, emotional, and physical resource can be utilized.

Prayer:

Father, I need You to be Lord of my alone place. Help me experience Your loving presence there.

Jesus and Holy Spirit please meet me in the alone place. Amen.

Scripture:

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:18 (ESV)