Please stop asking an underdeveloped, broken human being why they did something stupid. Often, they do not understand themselves. Yes, you want an answer. Yes, you want clarity. But they are living in a world of confusion.

You are asking a person with stunted emotional awareness to explain himself. Your repeated “Why did you do that?” can actually create more chaos. It often invites shame instead of insight.

Many wives understandably think, If I can just find the right answer, I can fix this. I can protect him. I can make our lives work so much better.

Growth begins with smaller, safer questions:

• What were you feeling?
• What was happening just before this?
• How can we handle this differently next time?
• What would help you right now?

These are questions that can actually be answered. They move a person toward growth instead of pushing them deeper into failure.

Close:

A wife wants change, growth, and fresh insight—and that is good. But, remember not to get snagged on the unanswerable question of why, why, why, why.

Prayer

Father, I have become stuck in places. I need ongoing growth and change. Abba, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, please lead me into greater truth and freedom. Amen.

Scripture:

“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” — Proverbs 20:5. NIV