Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) points out three positions of concern in a relationship. They are these three positions:

Pursue – Withdraw
Attack – Attack
Withdraw – Withdraw

Pursuer – Withdrawer

In this dynamic, one spouse wants more emotional connection in the relationship. This spouse wants more conversation, connection, and together time. This is the Pursuer. In this relationship the other spouse is satisfied with the way things are. This second spouse thinks, “Why can’t my husband/wife just be happy with the way things are?” The second spouse is the Withdrawer.

Attack-Attack

In this dynamic, one spouse verbally attacks. The responding spouse immediately attacks back. Their talking style includes attacking, arguing, and defending. After a period, the verbal arguing stops. But issues are never resolved.

Withdraw-Withdraw

This dynamic involves two people who seldom argue, fight, or get close. Both prefer to avoid conflict. So, they live in a detached, defensive position. They both prefer to live together but emotionally disconnected.

Why this Matters

The goal of a good relationship is growth, deepening and sharing of life experiences.

Prayer

Father, help me love like you love. Amen.

Bible

Love one another deeply, from the heart. 1 Peter 1:22 NIV