What role are you playing in your relationship? Role is defined as the set of behaviors you use to interact with your spouse.

There are three possible roles. Which one describes you?

• The Pursuing Spouse
• The Withdrawing Spouse
• The Engaging-Attaching-Growing spouse

The Pursuing Spouse thinks.

I like you. Do you like me? I want you. Do you want me? Do you enjoy me? What do you like about me? Stay close. I need closeness to be safe. At times I might appear needy. When I am stressed and you are distant, I might lash out at you.

The Withdrawer Spouse thinks.

If you criticize me, I will pull away. Even if you don’t criticize me, I know you will do it sooner or later. So, I pull away as a precautionary measure. Emotions and discussions equal pain and criticism. So, I live in a Withdrawn/Self Protection position.

The Engaging-Attaching: Growing spouse thinks.

Relationships are hard. We are different people. Our views will differ. Irritations will happen. You want to be known and loved. So, do I. We must develop ways to heal when we unintentionally wound each other. Let’s learn and grow together.

Why this matters

No matter how you started please do your best to practice Engaging-Attaching-Growing skills.

Prayer

Father, please help me grow in oneness. Bonding closely and attaching to my wife is your plan. Help me. Grow me. I know it will bless me and help us. Amen.

Bible

For this reason, a man leaves his father and his mother to be unselfishly attached to his wife. They become one flesh as a new family! – Genesis 2:24 (TPT)