“I don’t want to talk to my wife because sometimes it’s not safe.”
“When my husband doesn’t talk to me I don’t feel safe.”
“I think like a man. Act like a man. And, feel a lot less emotional than my wife.”
“I like emotions and emotional language. When I express my stories emotionally I feel heard.”
“When she talks emotionally I fall off a cliff and into a deep, dark abyss. I go blind, deaf and dumb.”
I want to talk. Feel heard. And, tell stories. I may talk slowly. Wander in circles, and express hurts and deep feelings.
At some point she will turn to me and say these terrifying words. What are you feeling?” Into the abyss I fall…
I have decided “emotional safety” is the number one issue that hinders marital growth.
Ask your spouse this question: “What is one small thing I could do to help you feel safe and move our talking forward?”
Father, please give me ears to hear, a heart that is open, and a pathway to emotionally-safe-talking, and oneness. Amen.